you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
