I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
