you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
