five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
