I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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