What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
