i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
