So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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