In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
