my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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