I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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