woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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