can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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