The best revenge is premature balding
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
