never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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