i'm lost and i look like a hooker
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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