how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
