I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
