I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
