First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
