I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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