Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
