he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
