I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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