Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
