possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
