you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
