There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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