Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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