in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
