I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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