There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
