I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
