The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
