Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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