dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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