I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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