She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
