some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
