i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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