Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
