I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My pussy is not your playground.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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