you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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