I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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