and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
