sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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