If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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