I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
