this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
