Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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