P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
