Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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