We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
