is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Shame - the story of my life.
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