He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
