Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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