420 ftw
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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