I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
