My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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