How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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