her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
