the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Come on in and take your pants off
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
