RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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