The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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