apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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