Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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