We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
