In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
