And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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