So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
